me, in my mind

Friday, December 16, 2011

woah, new post in forevers..anyone still follow this thing?

Hey all, long time no see/post...again. Just an update on the life of me recently...In a nut shell I'm teaching up a storm, doing shows independently and with the company, and trying to have some semblance of a relationship with Mr.Firespinner.. That last part is probably the hardest. We don't see each other during the week very much, I try and meet him for lunch a few times a week, but its getting really expensive. We have a blast together, it's just when we're apart I start to think about the things that grind my gears, namely the fact that I've done most of the sacrificing of time and some expectations regarding one's partner's behaviour and I feel he hasn't ever really met me halfway on an important issue. His health is a big one, he's been given a prescription for a condition that's ongoing and could bite him in the ass unexpectedly which he refuses to take due to the admittedly scary side effects. Fine, no problem, but when he does nothing to change his lifestyle, the beer, smoking, and drugs which really could make things worse, it sort of seems...selfish. Recently he stated that he didn't want to attend my family's christmas. Not because he had other plans or family of his own to visit...he just didn't want to. Selfish again. I don't like this trend. I don't like feeling like a doormat that has to concede to his way or the highway. I don't know what to do..Bring this up now before the holidays and make our trip on new years awkward or leave it for now assuming things work out...Ideas?

Sunday, February 6, 2011


So I recently got a ticket to Burning Man festival, the big one that happens in the nevada desert. Sounds good on paper; lots to hang from, crazy costumes, good music..did I mention there's lots t hang from? Since buying said ticket I've gone to a couple 'burner' events, stuff designed to get people in the mood for the festival itself. There's lots of the same stuff as the festival itself..which is the problem. I just can't handle 1) the hours these people keep. They're all insomniacs or something. You all know I need at least 8 hours a day and that I shut down at 2am, no questions asked. These shindigs don't even start until 11 and go well past 4. I'm really unsure if I could handle that schedule for more than a day ot two, and at that point, it's getting a bit expensive for 2 days in the desert with hippies.
2) the hippies themselves. It all comes back to the lesse faire attitude toward drugs and the like, which would be fine if their drug using didn't then affect me. Allow me to explain, this realy has to do with those closest to me, namely Dave, who tonight, the night after an eventful day where we all finally signed the paperwork on a sweet loft space in the Junction (more on that later) and just when his crazy stressful living situation is coming to a close, he decided to stay at the party to get even more f-ed up than he already was (he does indulge at larger shindigs..) and I came home in a cab. Alone. To my brother's place and now I'm typing this at 3 30 am while he's doing god knows what. We're both so horrifyingly busy, I haven't seen him all week, so this hurts a bit; that he would choose the chance to 'party' over what could have been a very cool post-party night just the two of us.
Really? These are the so-called 'enlightened' population of up and coming artists and dreamers who find inspiration in community and self-sacrifice and service to your fellow men? From all the vomit and passed out people it looks to me like the whole community is just a bunch of 30-year olds trying to pretend they're 19 again.
So..I'm thinking of selling my ticket. The effort to get there, the cost involved, the fact that I have 1, potentially 2 shows that same week, and that it's fan expo too all seem to tell me that it would be wiser to not go. I don't know, maybe I'm just really pissed that my brand new pvc corset had juice and vodka dumped on it by me supposed friend when I was leaving. I know he did it on purpose, too, and he and others around thought it was hi-larious due to the fact that said corset and my new pair of FLUEVOGS!! are now covered in sticky. Maybe if this guy could stay sober for once in his life he would learn that dumping your drinks down friends' back is not nice.
So fine, get fucked up. Just don't ask me to enjoy or condone it. And don't dump your drink on my shoes.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

life updates..

Hey all, I realized it had been a while since I've had time to update this crazy thing..There's a reason for that and it has to do with me finally finding someone of the opposite sex who's cool enough that I actually want to spend time with them. I'm officially now dating one of the fire-spinning crew, which I initially put off doing for fear of upsetting the group dynamic, but that seems to be a non-issue and everyone's cool. Oddly, I'm seeing Dave, not Ian, who was the one I was lured into the whole fire-spinning scene by in the first place. Ian's nice don't get me wrong, but he's really only good at looking out for himself and therefore not super appealing romantically.. Dave on the other hand has turned out to be one of the most noble people I've ever known. He can come across a bit weird initially, but once he turns off the show-y persona he's quite the guy. I'm having a blast and it's nice to be with someone I consider an equal...
I'm also madly trying to put together show proposals for two very different submission-calls: one for Northbound Leather's Anniversary party and one for the Steamwhistle Roundhouse, which is a venue I've performed in before. I think the spinners and I could put together a nice little 45 min. show. We're thinking of using the Chinese elements as a loose theme. Comments?
I also have a show this thursday downtown that I'm hoping lots of people come to, as well as a fundraiser in December before I go on vacation with my fams. In the new year I have one show in Jan. booked, another burlesque show where I'll attempt to do hoop in heels...And I may be putting together either a new spanish web act with one of the spinners setting (either Ian or Dave) or a handbalance-y contact improve thing for a show in Feb. that's supposed to be about the relationship between Cupid and the Absinthe Fairy. That's what happens when you let hippies plan Valentine's Day parties. And for now, enjoy this super shmoopy shot. Shut up, I like it.

Thursday, October 14, 2010


Why, why, WHY is the Piemaker going to be in the upcoming Twilight movie?? Why Lee Pace, must you commit the ultimate sell-out? Why am I nevertheless inappropriately interested in seeing you in vampire make up and contacts? Gah!

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

because I'm vain like that..

hey all, so even though I posted the same pic on my other blog, I don't know how many of you still read that thing, so I'm posting it here too. I think it's too awesome to not be seen by one and all.
It's from a cyber- punk photoshoot a few weeks ago and was finally edited and sent to me today. I'm not posting this on facebook, only my modeling site and here.
For those who are curious, I'm hanging upside-down on my rope (which was turned into a cable) and the photog. was on the floor beneath me.

Monday, September 20, 2010

random typo.

Here's an excerpt from the Groupon listing for Cirque Eloize's new show, "ID."

"Stunning visual effects pepper each athletic performance, with massive set pieces seemingly manipulated by magic or puppies"

That's right, massive set pieces controlled by puppies. Diabolical puppies.

Sunday, September 12, 2010

weird hippy music festival

So I got talked into going to this thing named Harvest Festival by my fire-spinning friends. They all said it was the bees knees and that it was super fun and a great time.
Well, it had its highlights. Saturday night was awesome. Three different all night music tents, international DJ's and fun clothes. I wondered, though, what I had signed myself up for when we rolled up on the friday night. It was already dark, my tent was set up, which was awesome, and my tent-mate, Erica, was super cool the whole weekend. The douch bags around us, though, were another story. I tried to go to sleep after hanging out around the fire (which was nice) at 2am-ish, but apparently this was not meant to be. For 6 hours straight, all I heard from the charming people around me was stories of their past drug exploits, their drug-fulled plans for the weekend, and where they got their drugs. Occasionally, I heard about their sexual exploits while on drugs, funny things they had done to their friends/pets while on drugs, their drug of choice, and how to try to pretend you're not on drugs. I knew I was going to a hippy fest. and totally expected lots of "activity," but I heard, on more than one occasion, people talking about some pretty hard stuff, and I was admittedly, shocked. Once again, I felt like the odd one out; the only one at the party who was in their right mind.
It's a real shame that all these people need to alter their state of mind because the grounds of the party itself were so amazing. Floating sharks, lights on the water, lit balloons in the sky, colored lights and lanterns on miles of walkways, amazing music and cool looking people. I don't know, I just think there's other, more important things and person can spend their money on.
I don't know, am I wrong? Am I just being a stick in the mud? I've seen this stuff seriously mess with people; people who otherwise had the world at their doorstep and lost it because they couldn't control their habit. I'm not looking to "do" anything about my point of view, but if anyone wants to share their own, that would be cool!